Well, still here… (The one where JoElla takes a deep exhale…)

 It’s been a hot minute gang.  Hope all is well in the interwebs and with you.

I’m currently listing to Cindy Lauper’s “True Colors”.  Very interesting song choice.

So where we last left off, the heroine was recovering from a stroke. For some reason, I felt the need to try to express what was happening in real time. And as I continue to recover, my doctors and nurses are amazed on how aware I was during it.  

The complexity of the emotions I felt, and continue to feel..sometimes are quite overwhelming.  I finally had to give in and let myself feel them.  They can be small and fleeting, or so large, that I have to just ride them out.  Sometimes, I just have to roll into a ball in bed, and cry it out.

It seems like I lost the whole month of April.  I had to shut down for a bit. I had to try to find what “normal” is for me now. Ironically “normal” kept changing.  In a strange way, I felt like I was watching some bizarre dream, and felt like a stranger in a strange land.  

For a long time, I didn’t want to be near strangers.  I was still tripping up on words and it made me very self conscience.  So, I self isolated a lot.  With friends and loved ones, I could say “stroke” and we would all get it. I didn’t want to explain to “new people” the whole deal.  Once again I am dealing with an invisible illness with zero outward signs of anything wrong. 

For April,my brain hurt.  Literally hurt.  And horrible headaches. And I would tire very easily.  My Mom threw a huge Eclipse party, and the thought  just overwhelmed me. I enjoyed it by myself with a cat or two, and my neighbor’s chickens roaming around (yes, wandering chickens 🐓)  It was peaceful, almost spiritual. And deeply moving and had a huge impact on  me.  My sweet doctor said that I seemed peaceful with my stroke. And I was….until my Neurological appointment a week later. I  cried through the whole appointment.  

*see emotions a few paragraphs up*

May.. well usually I am a birthday brat and lurrvvveee the whole month of May. This year, meh… I  just wanted a small family get together.  And honestly, if I could have gotten out of it,I totally would. Now don’t get me wrong, I am blessed to see another trip around thes sun, and thankful every day. But it was very overwhelming.

And now that I am approaching the 3 month mark, I still have to  remind myself that my brain is literally  rewireing itself. 

I did start back to work, and navigating that.  And I still cannot watch a lot of TV, I still have some light and motion sensitivity.  Of course it doesn’t help  that husband watches boxing, Or bare knuckle fighting or  other things that send my brain into over drive… *side eye at him*

We know how my stroke happened, but  we still don’t know exactly why it happened.  And I  am just about  to end the ‘danger zone’ time wise.  It seems 3 months is the magic number for safety. And what people don’t understand or realize *coughhusbandcough* that a stroke is a traumatic brain injury.  And when I realize that, it  seemed so much more daunting. No wonder why I feel like a stranger in a strange land.

Guess who’s back, back again… (The one where JoElla’s back again with a full moon)

 Hello internet peeps, been a long time.

I needed a break during the Holidays. Didn’t we all?  Didn’t it seem like the whole dang world had a Rona hangover?  Didn’t it seem like that we as a collective just didn’t give a damn?  Didn’t just seem like we were all  just burnt out?  

The world  is still an epic shit show.   And yet oddly, for us Gen X’ers, we have a real sense of  deja vu.

Gather round young  ones, lemme tell you bout how we Gen X’ers used to be…..

We were  wild, feral and  the  OG latch key kids.. they had  to make commercials reminding our parents of us.  “It’s 10 o’clock do you know where  your kids are”?  *I so need to remember how  to drop a video and  pictures in* we used ALLLLLLLLLLLLLL THE HAIRSPRAY, and  our parents were too busy fucking up their own lives, to pay attention to ours.  But somewhere in our wild feral  hearts,  a flicker of hope, a small spark that started a world wide  movement.  We were Liveaid, Hands across America,  we signed up for Amnesty International in droves.  We were having sexual awakening just  as  AIDS came to the forefront and we lived through  and were shaped by the Cold War.

Now, every batshit crazy country has  some form of a nuke type weapons.  

Seriously Universe, if I have to live  through this type of crazy again,  can I please be sent back to the 80’s I promise  I  will make better choices.

So let’s talk about this moon.  This  full moon is in Leo, creation and destruction.  And Luna is opposite of Pluto.  We (if we are paying  attention) we should see blockages and stuck patterns more objectively and hopefully be able to break through them.   This full moon can bring up things that started back in August 2023  

Luna will also be opposite of Pluto and conjunt with the Sun

The Sun and Leo are all about creation  and life, Pluto is over here being all about destruction, decomposition and decay, and death.  Pluto  also brings things to light to be exposed. The whole let it burn down so newness can grow. Kind of exciting if you ask me.

So even though the full moon already happened, you still have a window for you to cast aside things you do not want to bring  into 2023. So think about what no longer serves you and let go.

Don’t forget to set your intentions.  Cast some seeds to the Universe, let’s watch them grow together.

Maybe if we all just take a few moments to be grateful for any types of things, big or small, grand or silly, then collectively we can raise the vibrations.  Maybe, just maybe, we can start to counterbalance the low vibrations.