Had my blood work redrawn. It was time yet again. Been keeping an eye on my cholesterol, because Rona screwed them all up. Been keeping an eye on my AC1 numbers, because Rona screwed them up. Also checking my white count and red count, and kidney function. Good news on my blood sugars, and kidney still working like a chap, cholesterol still screwed up *shrugs*
I also had my doctor run an active EBV panel. See with Epstein Barr Virus, (more commonly known as Mono), is in most people, and it takes a massive infection to kick it into activation. And once you ever have had mono, your bloodwork will forever show EBV. So if you have had it, and you feel run down and sick, you have to ask them to run an active EBV panel. And my numbers are high, off the charts high. UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUGH!
I am so not a happy camper.
Not.
One.
Bit.
I knew something was off… really thought it was my allergies (ok I was really hoping, praying wishing etc…). I know what caused it, I totally did it to myself.. I knew I was stressed, and not eating properly didn’t help. But when you are the only one who acknowledges the marriage is a dead stick… it kinda takes a toll on you.
The good news is, this feels so different than a #MECFS crash. I’m alert, my crazy little brain is acting normal, and I’m just tired. It isn’t a bone crushing tired, and my left side hurts (sorry spleen!) and have a headache. My muscles feel the normal type of tightness, and no uptick in my pain levels. That’s progress folks, and I’ll take it!
Gotta admit, I am also enjoying the 15 pounds I lost. But need to focus on the correct way to lose, and not rely on the dreaded divorce diet.
Hopefully within a week, I’ll be much better.
I really want to hit the gym again. I cannot express how much I miss treadmill dates with angry rock. I need a good sweaty session on it. I miss Zumba class. I miss yoga.
I suppose that me wanting to work out is a good thing. I feel the urge, and not just a ‘I should’. Progress even with a road block, is still progress.
Tonight may mind is spinning whirrling, and won’t quiet down. So many things going through my mind.
I did receive some most excellent news (but under lock and key for the moment) I did over do it today.. ooohhh took a shower and went to the grocery store, so physically I’m tired, but this brain of mine hasn’t gotten the hint. I even took a ‘adult gummy’ and… wired but tired. Wish that meant I had enough energy to clean house, but nope.
Been having interesting dreams lately. When I woke up, the old fiancée (aka the old boyfriend) responded. I have so many questions, and would love to hear his voice. When I woke up this morning, I was coming out of a dream, and it was of him, and he said ‘just call me already’. Also, as I am writing, the song “Life’s a Mess” by Juice WRLD and Halsey…One of the lyrics is ‘Thank God I finally found you” And that’s the way I feel. I have looked off and on throughout the years, after seeing the picture of us, the night he asked me to marry him.. I am glad I finally found him. I do wonder if he ever looked for me? Ever wondered about me? I did have all my socials wide open for years, then I felt the need to lock them down.
To be honest, it’s hard not to let my mind and heart drift a bit. And part of me is like “geese girl, you are 56!”, but how does a 56 year old act? I don’t know, I’m still new at this LOL.
I just kinda feel like I have a new lease on life. I’m excited to see what is around the corner. Maybe the fear has loosened its grip on me, and I was able to wiggle out if its grasp. Who knew that getting a reactivated EBV instead of a hard crash, would give me hope.
Now I do like to describe myself as an optimistic realest. And I feel extremely optimistic. I know there will be some hard times ahead, and lots of ups and downs. But ultimately I know that I will land on my feet, and be able to hit the ground walking.
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