Words are hard, very hard.

 I had a dream.  Very sad.  Old fiancé, a crazy dream.

I was very. Very sad.  Old fiancé  was too long.  He was over. But. I. Wanted. It. To be.

Before,  I was working.  Not very hard, and a monkey could do. It.  Best friend was working together..

Been busy, and learning.  And best friend was on vacation.  Casey and I a good team.  

So, before, I had a tooth extraction. I did a bone graft and 3 sterioids only, and antibiotics.  This was last week.

Then Tuesday I felt foggy.  I had words, that are hard. Trying to grasp words..   really strange.  I made an appointment and felt heavy.  I felt words are hard.  Dr said maybe steroids. I can feel strange, but need to be careful of stroke.  I will make sure I am ok.

Wednesday.  My right arm is numb.  I make coffee I drop cat food.  I just let it drop.  Husband came home, and see cat foot is dropped.  I say hey,see if this. Makes sense??  The words are gibberish, he thought I was missing around and I thought he was messing around.  Hushed words, call the nurse, and then I. Have to have low blood sugar.

A call to 911 (oh. Great) and cute firemen.  I say hi, and they do the push arm, pull arm/. I  tell them cognitive goods, words nope.  I say tiger pony because of the MECFS and Epstine bar. I make a mish mash of communication.

Welp, an ambulance ride later, I get the first of the line.  No hallway go straight roo   So guess it’s on my own.   Well husband is actually calling the  kids and my Mom. Why my mother??!  Ughhh

I go to  CT and come back. Mom said “hey did you have a gummy?” Umm nope  Mom.  Seriously?? Really??

I have a lucid moment and talk  like a normal person.  I boot Mom and swiith Garrett and Tiffany.  And then  I loose the words.  Damn it.

I ask for husband over and over.  I want the time of the esscence.  I don’t  want a stroke.  I sit on the bed. And I have to pee.  So  I go to the bathroom, and kinda do a round about, and ask CT results please?? I need to  see CT results please. (Time is the esscence… I need to be ASAP I  want to  be now.

Mom is crying, please set down. But I need to see an MRI.

Husband comes in and the Dr is ok. I am just jumbled with words.

Dr said it is ok,and I slowdown.  He tells everyone, but  still very hard.  I get to go, and the diagnosis is 

“ altered mental status” really? That’s not good.

husband takes me home..

Mom is checking on me a bazillion times.

The dream.  So  sad.  I’m trying not to cry.

The Dentesst.  Dr Grass.  I have strings in my mouth. I am trying to  fix it and they  take my blood pressure.  It’s high.  Very high. He also takes care of the strings in my mouth.  I’m a healer and it looks great.  He says that I am taking a bit longer to shed the sterioids. 

Great, more word salad and trying to communicate’

I have dinner, and then I am tired.  I watch a YT video, andI am tired.  I listen to music,and it is so sad.  The combo of dream, ( did I mention it is so sad and the old  fiancé.  It’s heartbreaking.  I tell husband that the music, and it is sad.

So, it make a few days. Or it can be forever. But damn  it.  I can’t communicate the words.  I want to tell him that I want to be/ That I am not telling what I want to be.  I want to  tell him I love him and want to be.  I want to say the things that I want to be.  To say I am sorry that I am not strong enough, to be the choice that  I never wanted to be.  To love him, to be forever.  I want to be old fiancé, not husband.

So, words are hard, husband is a friend.  And old fiancé.  I haven’t had  a dream in a long time,but the feelings are still strong.

Let’s see what adventures await.  And it is a a strange strange world.   Maybe,just maybe, the dr can see me.  And then the neurologist can see me Monday.